So, this whole “Introducing Myself” business is not one I particularly enjoy, but for the purposes of self-improvement and this blogging 101 course, I’ll have a stab at it and try not to throw myself into an existential crisis. Brace yourself, here comes the shitty first draft…
I’ve just finished my last mock exam, and being faced with a week’s worth of exam leave and school holidays still to go, I figured this was as good a time as any to dust off the keyboard and start writing. So to try and give myself a motivational, figurative, and perhaps literal kick up the backside, I embarked on a four week long course to improve my blogging skills.
I’ve always loved reading, burying my troubles in the fictional worlds of heroes and villains and everyday folk that still seemed more interesting than the little girl sat turning the pages, carrying the characters with me and devouring the words when I needed to get away. My imagination was overflowing, and I would dream up entire worlds filled with magical creatures and beautiful princesses, sketching their dresses as I scribbled down every last detail in gold sparkling gel pen.
Where did it all go? The little girl grew up, but the fairies didn’t grow with her and suddenly the real world was showing through the holes in her imaginary fabric. I grew up and I found my ponies being replaced with tests and results and numbers that defined your self worth, and there was no running from this, I had to face it head-on. But that’s normal, that’s just what happens when people grow up. Reality calls, and we can no longer live life in our own heads.
I was never the popular type, preferring the company of a select few, constantly accompanied by the hum of my thoughts. I would have more conversations with myself than anybody else (I know, first sign of madness, right?), and that was perfectly okay with me. I started to write poetry, pushing the darker thoughts out and onto paper before they could hurt me, locking them away using commas and consonants, building cages with rhyme and repetition to keep myself safe and happy. I stopped writing poetry over a year ago.
I guess this brings me to now, and this blog. Back to square one. Living life in your head is never a good idea, and now I find myself adrift in my thoughts, the life raft of words floating away with friends and family on the shore, even further. Communication was never my forte, and neither is talking about myself, my thoughts and feelings. This blog is not an emotional outlet, but more a tool for me to hopefully rediscover my words, and paddle myself back into shallower waters. I called this blog ‘transience’ as a reminder to myself, and to others, that everything is temporary, everything will pass. Happiness depends on ourselves, and about it’s time I did something to sort mine out too.